Red River Rivalry: An Austin Perspective

TEDDY NOTE: Following is an effort from John Kelso, columnist with the Austin American Statesman and a Texas Longhorns fan. Oklahoma plays Texas Saturday; the Okies are 11-and-a-half point favorites. Kelson doesn't care.



HEADLINE: IT'S OK FOR OU FANS TO USE THEIR DENTAL RECORDS TO BUY BEER IF THEY HAVE ANY TEETH LEFT


It's time for my annual insult of Oklahoma, which is something I do every year.
Why do I risk sounding redundant by saying this is something I do every year, after using the word "annual?" It's a public service to help out you Okies who may not know what the big grownup word "annual" means.
Now, there's been a lot of talk lately that it might be tough Saturday at the big Texas-OU game up in Dallas for Okies to buy beer at the State Fair of Texas. This news story has been greatly exaggerated. And no, they didn't put in a new no-beer rule for Okies this year because of that Sooner fan/church deacon in Oklahoma City who tried to rip off the guy's testicles for wearing a Texas shirt into a bar.
The reason it may be a slight hassle for Okies to buy beer at the state fair is an obscure Texas law on alcohol sales. If a Texas vendor sells a beer to someone under 21, he's protected from being busted if the buyer of the beer displayed what appeared to be a piece of valid Texas identification.
On the other hand, if the person shows an I.D. from another state, such as Mobilehoma, and it turns out the person is, say, 9, the vendor is NOT protected from being busted.
So, according to Ron Black, the vice president of food service at the state fair, vendors at the fair can choose not to sell beer to people who appear younger than 30 and present an out-of-state ID. He adds this is not a new policy — it's been going on for years — and there are so many booths to buy beer at the state fair that if you're of age and one booth turns you down, you can just go to the next one.
Even if you're an Okie.
I used the age 9 here because up in Oklahoma it's common for 28-year-olds to still be in elementary school. So sometimes at the keg party out at the trailer park up in Yokelhoma the children get mixed up in there with the adults. This is why at Thanksgiving dinner in Oklahoma some of the folks sitting at the little table could use a shave.
Now, you Okies who want to drink before the game may be wondering if you can still use your jailhouse number tattoo as an I.D. to purchase beer at the state fair. Sure, but only if the number on the tattoo matches the number on your ankle restraints.
Also, you Mobilehomans can use your dental records, if you have any teeth left. And remember the rule: only one beer per tooth. Also, the new sobriety test this year for Jokelahomans is answering the question, "Who's your daddy?" I know. That's a tough one. What can I tell you?
In fairness, I'll admit that in all the years I've been to the OU-Texas game, I don't recall ever seeing a Sooner fan drunk. On the other hand, how can you tell if someone is loaded if they're already drooling on their flip-flops and speaking monosyllabically? Hook 'em.

John Kelso's column appears on Sundays, Tuesdays and Fridays. Contact him at 445-3606 or
jkelso@statesman.com

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The Braves on TBS...'The Way We Were...'

Today's effort on 1B of The Times has sparked both old-schoolers and sentimental fans to respond. AND, I don't know the answer to the trivia question asked ("AFLAC!...") though you might.

(The pictures here are of my man Skip Caray and also of Craig Biggio, just before his final at-bat Sunday in a 3-0 season-ending and 20-year-career ending victory over Atlanta at Minute Maid Park. And how many of these logos do you remember?)


















T-MAIL:


Teddy,
My name is Nancy. My dad and I watched the last game my dad ever watched on TBS the night he passed in 1999. I held his hand and told him the Braves had won (again!) when he went to sleep.
Thank you for your column today. I will treasure it.

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TA,
Great column this morning as I can relate to every bit of it ! My mother became a huge Braves' fan,prior to her death in 1985,simply because she could follow them everyday.I have a vhs tape that was aired in the spring of 1983 entitled "Long Way to October".It was a 4 hour(2 night) special on every aspect of a season(the 1982 Braves' season).It's awesome.

TRIVIA : We all know it was WTBS prior to dropping the W and settling for just,TBS.WHAT WERE THE ORIGINAL CALL LETTERS for this Ted Turner station ? I was looking for it in your column but failed to see it.Any ideas ?

Gov-

FROM TEDDY: Gov, I still have 'It's a Long Way to October' on VHS. Red Barber narration. My favorite part is when Torre, in the dugout during a game, looking straight ahead, asks Gibson if he's going to get up in the morning and watch him (Torre) on 'Good Morning America.'
GIBSON: What time's that come on?
TORRE: 7.
GIBSON: No.

My second favorite part is Torre watching a game and all of a sudden snatches his hat off and starts rubbing his hair and says to Gibson, who never replies, "I've got to get a haircut. I think I'll wait til we get to St. Louis. Know a guy there, gives good haircuts."

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Teddy,

Great piece! I thought my college roomie and I were the only ones
who'd watch the Braves' games twice (in the same night). I can
definitely relate...

Regards,
Buddy Wood

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ANSWER TO TRIVIA, (from The Governor): WTCG...(my guess would be "Turner's Cable Giant").

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Hi Teddy,
Loved your article about TBS and the Braves. Yes, it was always great to know you could watch baseball regardless of the time.
But-----how could you write that article and not at least mention that at the same time of that "great sadness" that Craig Biggio who had played for 20 years with the Astros (his only team--unbelievable) had just played his last game.


The professor and I were there on Saturday night to see him in his "second to last night" to play. It was outstanding and cameras were flashing everywhere.
I WILL still continue to read and enjoy all your articles. You make our day!

Have a great day! Mary Lou Hughes

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Attaboy Teddy,
You hit a home run with your piece on the Braves and TBS. Sunday was a truly sorrowful day, like some old friend had passed away. My wife Nancy and I have been Braves fans since the early 90's and it began when the worse to first phenomenon occurred. We watched as the three wise men of Atlanta (Maddox, Glavine and Smoltz) dominated in the 1990's. Then an a miracle happened and my job took me to live in Atlanta in 1993. We were enamored with Fulton County Stadium and made every ball game we could during '93 and '94. We saw the introduction of Chipper, Javy Lopez, Tony
(Tabasco) Torasco, and the likes of Blauser, Lemke and even Deon Sanders. During that time Nancy's dad, Pappy, started to watch the games to see if he could spot Nancy and I in the stands. Quickly he became a die hard fan, never missing a game. When we moved back to Shreveport, we would go over and watch games with him. Then in June of 1999, he passed away at 87, just an hour after he and Nancy had watched the Braves win on TBS. He was a true Braves fan to the end.
Then to our amazement, we realized that during those years of Braves on TBS, Pappy's wife, Nancy's mom Melba, had become a fan also. She can recite individual Braves stats better than an ESPN analyst.
At 88, she never missed a game on TV and when the Jones boys or Frenchy or any of the stars would hit a home run or make a great play, she would call us up to make sure that we were watching. It's amazing how far reaching the baseball connection can be, enabling people of all ages to share in the love of our national past time. Oh what a sad day Sunday was, for Braves fans, baseball fans, and everyone connected with the sport. Nancy and I and Melba (and Pappy up in heaven) will miss the telecasts very much. And God bless those announcers, who became like family, for they gave us so many laughs over the years. GO BRAVES!!! Rufus Lemaire

I have found my dog's sister...which is really strange

One of our dogs, Spot, who didn't have any spots, died a week ago Tuesday about midnight. I received this nice letter and pictures afterward. This dog, Abbie, looks just like her brother, Spot, only much cleaner. I wish -- as Mrs. Quinlan does -- that we had known this earlier so Spot and Abbie could have met as "adults." ...






Hello,

My name is Allison Quinlan and I read your article about your dog, Spot. I have Spot’s sister, Abbie! We adopted her from the Caddo animal shelter in May of 1995-she developed Parvo the next week and spent the next seven days at Dr. Core’s Animal Hospital. Luckily, she made it through and is the best dog ever! She truly is our first child. My husband and I have had four daughters since we got Abbie. She has been better than any full bred dog that I know! Abbie is in fairly good health, other than her osteoarthritis that she takes Rimadyl for each day! When I saw the picture of Spot in the paper, I couldn’t believe how much they look alike! I am sorry for your loss-I can’t imagine what it will be like for my family without our sweet Abbie-I do not look forward to that day! I am attaching a picture of Abbie and my youngest daughter, Ella Grace! What a small world it is!

Sincerely,

Allison Quinlan

A dog and his boy...

Bogey (left, without hat) and Jonathan Wyche, both of Shreveport, in the summertime.

Reason 462: Why I'm Scared to Ride in a Hot Air Balloon

Missing that one Spot...

Lots of kind mail today, which I appreciate, after people read about good old Spot, our supplemental dog to our older No. 1 dog, Elfie. Spot died late Tuesday night. Elfie continues to wonder where Spot is, though for the past 12 years Spot literally dogged poor Elfie's every step, almost to the point that Elfie needed a nerve pill. I feel bad for him today...

This picture is of Spot in the middle -- he didn't have any spots -- and his two older brothers, 10 years ago. These three had a lot of fun together.

People write letters and send well-wishes when a pet dies because they know the feeling. Anyone's who's had a member-of-the-family pet can relate. Here's one of my favorites; received it today. You'll love it; I did. It's really quite a tale.

Finally, thank you for the notes. I'd hoped it would make you think of your pets, and either bring back a happy memory or cause you to go give your current pet a hug, maybe an extra bone or pork chop today. I think it did that. I know and have known some wonderful dogs and cats, mine and others'; it makes me feel good just to think of them.

And, you'd have liked Spot. He was a sweet guy who always made you laugh and, seriously, never got angry or pushy. He was a good example for me -- except in the area of hygiene. I'm laughing thinking of him right now, rolling around in the leaves and the first...good lord he stayed dirty...

Teddy,

I am sorry to hear that you lost Spot. He had a good life and obviously a lot of love.

My daughter was at school Tuesday watching "All Dogs Go to Heaven."
Her teacher was in a parent/teacher conference so they had a sub for a little while. One little boy, who is rather disruptive blurted out "dogs don't go to heaven." Well at that point it was on. Codi informed him that dogs' bodies don't go to heaven but their souls do.
So Spot is hanging out in heaven.

We had two labs, one black and one brown. We go the black one from animal welfare in Baton Rouge right after we got married. She was from a litter of 12 and an alligator came up from the Tickfaw river and ate seven of the puppies. She was the only female that survived and no one wanted her. We took her, named her Gator and she grew up to be beautiful.

When Ross went off to Memphis to play arena football he got a chocolate lab and we named her Allie. Yes put them together in reverse order of when we got them. She had quite a pedigree but she walked in Gator's shadow like crazy. Couldn't even have a thought without Gator approving it.

We couldn't even bring Gator to the vet without bringing Allie along for the ride and the stay because she would dig out.

Well we lost Gator last November. She had come down with oldness disease and had been going downhill for a while. We took her to the vet and he said her heart was giving out. The first day she was there Allie was fine (we didn't take her that day). The second day she dug out, someone miraculously found her in the middle of Ellerbe Road in front of Holy Angels, called our vet and they picked her up and let her be with Gator.

We decided not to put Gator down but to bring her home. She died after midnight and Allie layed right next to her. When we got ready to bury her, Ross dug the hole and we brought Allie to the back corner of the yard and she stood there next to me while Ross buried Gator. We knew she understood, and she's not dug out since.

Allie is now 12 years old and she has a growth on her esophagus which will eventually send her to heaven. For the remainder of her time here we decided to get her a new puppy. We got Dixie Belle two weeks ago from some friends. The mom is a lab, and Dixie looks like a lab but we have no idea who the daddy was. We also have two cats, one rescued from certain death from animal control. Needless to say, we feel your pain and Casey's I'm sure. Saying a prayer that Spot now has the biggest bone in heaven...

Eeeny Meeny Miney Mo...

Here are The Best Playground Games in Playground History...

1. Pick-up baseball, and the game continues all week and the next week you choose sides again. If a kid is absent, too bad: you play shorthanded.

2. Making fun of the kid with the big head who always trips, (above.)

3. ANYthing with the orange bucket ('abover'.) Boy, the days sure flew by when you were one of the first ones on the playground and could get one of the orange buckets before they were all gone.

4. Swingset/Slide Combo.

5. Tackle the man with the ball.

6. Tackle the teacher with the clipboard. (Fun, but you could only play it once.)

7. Tag. Classic.

8. Red Rover -- IF a substitute made you play a stupid 'group' game, which was dumb.

9. Dodgeball, if it rained and you had to go to the gym.

10. Poker.

Yesterday's effort in the paper was about recess, and how an elementary school in Colorado has banned "Tag" because some kids felt threatened and bothered, and probably tired from chasing people and not being able to catch them to make them "It." Sigh...

Here's my favorite email in response...

Enjoyed your column on "No More Tag in Colorado". When I first heard this last week, I had to pull over and wrap my head in duct tape so it wouldn't explode, then I just gripped the steering wheel til my knuckles turned white. I keep asking myself what is wrong with these people and I just dont come up with any logical answers. Thanks for writing about it.

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