Sunday, December 30, 2012

The New Year's Holding On Line 1...

From today's Times and News-Star

You have gotten a phone call like the one I just got:

Yeah, Chris?
No sir. (I could tell he was an older guy.) This isn’t Chris. I think you…
Is Chris there?
No sir. I think you have the wrong number.
Well…it’s the number I just dialed.
Yessir, I bet it sure is.
Well where’s Chris?
Sir, I don’t know. What’s his…
Well what’s Chris’s number?
Sir, I don’t know. It’s not this one though.
Well I’m looking for Chris.
Yessir. (Now I was too, all of a sudden.) What’s Chris’s whole name?
Chris (Something)
I don’t think I know him. What number did you dial?
(He said my number.)
Yessir, that’s my number, and you dialed right, but somebody gave you the wrong number, I think.
So Chris isn’t with you.
No sir. He’s really not.
This isn’t his number?
No sir.
Somebody must have given me the wrong number.
Maybe. Yessir.
Well…I’m sorry.

He was beautiful. It was like being in the middle of an old Carol Burnett skit.

Asleep On The Hay: At last week’s church Christmas musical, a star was born. Our Baby Jesus is named Hunter; he was born back before football season started and slept, most impressively, from the first song until the last. This despite the choir singing at the top of its collective lungs. He’s got to be the most restful and content Baby Jesus I have ever seen in a Christmas play, and I have seen a few. Or maybe the child was awake, in which case he’s one of the better actors I’ve ever seen. I was impressed by the music and by that little boy.

Jesus slept.

Man, That’s Cold: Circle K, at least in these parts, no longer sells Icees. I am in the minority -- I have an Icee about once every five years – but even I know that Icee has been a Circle K staple since the chain was called Circle A. Folks go crazy over an Icee.

Several people, including my old Little League friend/enemy “Rock and Fire” Pringle, have met this news with less than enthusiasm. “They are going to some type of slushie,” he told me, the lowercase in his voice, as if he wouldn’t help a blind and wounded Slushie get off of a busy highway. “In what universe is a slushie better than an Icee?”

In the Circle K universe, apparently. Of course, we must remember that “better” is a relative term and that this is – it hurts me to say this – a business decision. The Circle K people told me the Mountain Dew people have the frozen drink business at Circle K now, so you can get a Pepsi Slushie but not a Coke Icee.

They never told us when we were little that the two drinks couldn’t co-exist, that penny Super Bubble would be a dime or that candy bars would go down in size and up in price. Growing up is not for sissies.

That Smarts: Now they are putting facsimiles of smart phones into toys? Embedding them into huggable toys? For kids to “train” on? Seriously? They really are. Albert Einstein was right. “I fear the day that technology will surpass our human interaction,” he said. “The world will have a generation of idiots.”  -30-