From today's Times and News-Star
Do
you remember your home phone number when you were a kid?
I
just dialed mine, for the first time in years. A mechanical man answered and
said in a voice tinny, “The number you have dialed is not a working number. Please
check the number you have dialed and dial again.”
Bittersweet.
On the one hand, it makes you feel your jersey has been retired, that your
number was so sentimentally noteworthy, no one else deserved it.
On
the other hand, it was a good number, a number that’s part of the fabric of my
youth, a carefree time before I knew how much a transmission cost, or what
Congress really was, or that I would have to pass two classes of foreign
language before they would let me out of college, even though I hadn’t planned
on going anywhere.
Things
were simpler then, so simple that my number was only five digits long instead
of today’s seven. “9-2240.” Sweet. Look how sleek that baby looks. I don’t know
if anybody dials like that today.
(I
say “dials,” but I should say “punch.” Old habits die hard.)
The
point is, the phone was a happy contraption back then. It was your first steady
hookup to the outside world. Sure, a television would talk to you and a record
would play for your, just like the radio. But you could talk BACK to a phone.
Talking
on the phone was almost like being a grownup. You dad wouldn’t let you drive when
you were 6, but he’d hand you the phone – “It’s your grandmother” – and you
were operating this piece of equipment that hung from the kitchen wall, just as
he was.
Of
course, you didn’t operate it for long, not if it was Long Distance.
“Hurry
up now, it’s long distance.”
“But
daddy you just handed me th…”
“Hurry
up! It’s costing money!”
Somewhere
along the line – maybe by haunting memories of the Ghost of Long Distance Past –
my feelings toward the phone began to shift. Either I turned against the phone,
or it turned against me. Not a big phone guy today.
A
couple of points for you to ponder:
Have
you noticed that when the phone rings now, it’s usually somebody wanting something?
Seldom does someone call you and offer to do something for you or give you
something. Calls are usually disguised as favors requested. Information needed.
Orders given.
Today’s
phone scares me.
The
other thing is that, on the other end, it could be someone who Likes To Talk.
See, I don’t think Alexander Graham Bell meant for it to be this way. If memory
serves, the first conversation – Bell to his assistant -- was something like, “Mr.
Watson, I need to see you. Who do you have in the Knicks-Celtics game?” That
was it, or something similar. True, he asked for something, but it was to the
point.
If
you get caught on the phone with a Professional Talker – and they are legion –
you can call in the dogs and pour water on the fire. Party’s over. The best
thing you can do is listen, because without seeing them, you are at the mercy
of Oral Pauses, which usually means the other person is just gathering air.
Phone
conversation is a test of patience.
Thank
goodness, there is a solution. I call it Honoring the Phone Code. I’ll explain
next week because unfortunately, right now you’re starting to brea…
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