From Sunday's TIMES and NEWS-STAR
Dear Ask the
Paperboy:
Season’s
Greetings to you and your Papergirl and any little Paperpeople you have at
home; may your days be merry and bright.
My
query: I keep forgetting, every Christmastime, to ask: What’s a yule?
Confused
in Calhoun
Dear Confused:
Yule?
Cool!
We
use it today as another word for our season of Christmas, even though its
etymology is suspect. Word scientists suspect it comes from ancient Norse and
Germanic languages; “yule” in its original form could have been a Germanic name
for a winter month, for example, and when someone from fourth-century Hallmark
dreamed up a celebration to coincide with the wintertime, the celebration took
its name from the month. Card sales skyrocketed; the price of papyrus has never
been the same. (You can look it up.)
The
only other guess that word scientists have is that either a Norse or German
poet needed a rhyme for “rule” or “fool” or “tool.” In the fourth century,
poets had more freedom. Since all the words had not been invented yet, they
could make them up as they went along, sort of like senators do with their
liquid platforms today. It was good to be a poet!
So
their invention was our gain. Today we have Yuletide, Yule log, Yule Brenner
and, especially overseas, the Yule Boar, like we have the Christmas goose or
turkey. We also have Yule Bore, which is Aunt Dot when she’s had too much egg
nog.
***
Dear Ask the
Paperboy:
Someone
told me this week after the Royal British Couple visited New York that William
and Kate, at an NBA game, “literally ruled the Barclay Center.” I don’t think
this is correct as they have no jurisdiction here. Did they literally rule?
Pauper
in Princeton
Dear Pauper,
Few
things wreck the Yuletide season for Paperboy more than the willy nilly use of
“literally.” Paperboy needs a nerve pill!
When
the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge watched the Nets lose to the Cavs at Barclay
in Brooklyn this week, cell phones snapped and we underlings stared and Beyonce
and Jay Z (now THERE’S Brooklyn royalty!) introduced themselves, as did Lebron
James (or King James, as he’s called; see the royalty theme here?) So they were
welcomed, oogled and even feted, and no one likes a good holiday feting more
than Paperboy. But they did NOT rule “literally,” because literally means “in
actuality,” and the Duke and Duchess can rule, or semi-rule, on their home turf
only. This was an away game for them. Be gone!
This
is Paperboy’s final ruling. The middle class has spoken!
Usually
when people say “literally,” they intend to say “figuratively” or
“metaphorically.” If someone says that the hustle and bustle of Christmas
season “literally drives me up the wall,” and they aren’t 20 feet above you,
clinging to Sheetrock like Spiderman, they have misspoken.
Please,
countrymen: quell this “literally” uprising. Paperboy is beside himse…No …
wait…that’s not possible either.
***
Dear Ask the
Paperboy:
Why
did Timmy get four new tires for his pickup truck and I got only one? I have
been a better boy than Timmy.
Slick
in Sibley
Dear Slick,
A
couple of things here. One, if you’ve been better than Timmy – with “better”
being a matter of opinion – that still doesn’t mean you will score better in
the tread department. Life, she’s not fair. But more likely than not, Paperboy
suspects the reason is that Timmy’s daddy’s redneck Santa has more money at his
disposal than your daddy’s redneck Santa. On the cheery side, remember: sometimes
less is more! Drive safely. And favor the side with the good tire.
***
Dear Ask the
Paperboy:
Do
you know what a “nerve pill” is? My mom mentions these a lot around Christmas
time. Does she need surgery?
Still
in Mangham
Dear Still,
Your
mom does not need surgery. She will be fine – as soon as the holidays are over
and Aunt Dot goes back to Texas.
-30-
