From the April 19 editions of The Times and News-Star
Dear Ask the
Paperboy,
We
are going around and around here about whether or not to use the Oxford comma. My
grammar text says use it; the Chicago Style Manual and a couple of others say
to use it. But now the AP Stylebook says specifically it should not be used.
If you were
writing for my company and wanted consistency in all our letters, publications and
other documents, would YOU, Paperboy, use the Oxford comma or not?
Thank
you for your expertise,
Confounded
by commas in Calhoun
Dear Confounded,
To
comma, or not to comma: That is the query.
I,
would, not, use, the, comma.
I
did there, but that was to illustrate that commas are taking over America. Not
as quickly as political correctness and vampires, but they are certainly doing
more than their share. It’s rare I take such a hard stance on punctuation, but
commas, well, commas had it coming.
The
“Oxford” or “serial” comma is the comma before the word “and” at the end of a
list. Like, “Please pick up milk, bread, and toilet paper.”
Fine.
Nothing wrong with it – other than it takes up space. You don’t need it. Writing
is about leaving out what the reader doesn’t need. Of course, with or without
the comma, the sentence is still imperfect because “toilet paper” is redundant.
If you’re going to the store, toilet paper is a given; you can never have too
much. But nobody asked me about toilet paper, so we will move along.
The
only time I use it is if the series has an “and” between specific things in the
list. Here are examples.
“The
puppy was red, brown and black, and green.” (As opposed to a puppy being red,
brown, black and green.)
Or,
“The bank gives refunds to boys and girls, to friends, and to family.”
And
of course always use it if needed to help prevent misreading. In the sentence
following, there is no chance of misreading:
“The
flag is red, white and blue.”
If
your teacher wants you to use the Oxford comma, do so. It will keep you on your
toes as you learn what commas are about and how they can help or hurt you.
(There are six ways to use commas, honestly, just as there are six ways a
batter can reach base without getting a hit. Look it up.) But since the Oxford
comma is optional, why not drop it like you would a bad donut. “America is the
land of the red, white and blue.” No comma between “white” and “and.” No need.
This is what we shoot for. We live in an over-commaed society; let’s do our
part to change that.
LINE
OF WHITE SPACE
Dear Ask the
Paperboy:
Why
does my local news station place a reporter outside whenever the weather
threatens to get below freezing, to see how long it takes the reporter to freeze?
I’ve noticed that this year they at least put some water out there and not a
reporter, so I guess that’s progress.
With
regards,
Viewer
in Vivian
Dear Viewer,
In
a world where one can depend on few things outside of the love of his dog, the
shot you describe is an anchor for us all. View it that way, as a positive and
not a negative.
Another
one is a live shot from the post office at 10 p.m. on April 15; you might have
noticed if you were up late Wednesday. We at the paper are not above writing
such a story either.
Notice
how a winter storm always “blankets” the countryside? How angry postal workers
are described as “disgruntled” in stories? In a world of inconsistency, cliché
can sometimes be a good thing. As Ben Franklin/Poor Richard said, “Waste not,
won’t not.” That doesn’t fit here, but it’s still good advice. Like "A penny saved is a penny urned."
LINE
OF WHITE SPACE
Dear Ask the
Paperboy,
Why
do people say “hold the phone” when they want me to wait on them?
Appreciatively,
Busy
in Bunkie
Dear Busy,
Back
in the day, newspaper writers would often update stories from phone booths. If
news were breaking even as they were updating the copy desk, they would say
“Hold the phone!” in a frantic-like state as they rushed to investigate and quickly
return. So the copy desk person would sit there working while continuing to
hold the phone. When my mother told me to hold the phone -- not because she was
newspapering but because she had to turn off the bathwater or stir the macaroni
-- I stood in the kitchen by the icebox or in the hall by the bathroom because
that’s where the phone was. Few phones in hallways and kitchens today is a
testament to our modern world. Now everyone is holding the phone all the time,
either in their hand or pocket.
LINE
OF WHITE SPACE
Dear Ask the
Paperboy,
Pick
up toilet paper on the way home. Exclamation point.
Dear,
Roger.
Hold the phone.
-30-
