Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Whales Gone Wild

Remind me never to follow a whale.

I don’t think most of them know where they’re going. How can you have three-fifths to three-fourths of the Earth to live in, and not find it?

You can’t find the Pacific OCEAN?

You can’t find the Atlantic OCEAN?

These Associated Press pictures prove my point.

The latest in a long line of whales gone wild is the mother-child pair above that got stranded after making a wrong turn along the California coast and, instead of swimming toward Japan or Hawaii, swam toward, of all places, Shreveport. They could go no further once reaching the Port of Sacramento….well, they COULD go further, but they’d have had to grow legs and hold their breath for a really, really long time. They turned around and biologists have been coaxing them toward the Pacific, said a spokesman for the state Department of Fish and Game and Bigger Fish and Bigger Game.

Here is an Illinois boy and a killer whale who swam up the Ohio River so fast and so hard he lost, as you can plainly see, a lot of weight. The boy said he caught him on a top-water lure, green and chartreuse, if memory serves. He threw him back. Lord knows where the whale is now, but I can tell you where he’s not: in an ocean.

They aren’t any smarter across the big pond. This whale below had to be placed in a straightjacket and watered by London biologists after he nearly swam into Buckingham Palace a couple of years ago. Charges are pending.

The killer whale on the right swam into Seaworld. He might not be as dumb as he looks. You don’t have to chase your dinner; just look for a guy in shorts and a Seaworld polo, carrying a bucket.