My friends tell me I have got to put on some weight. Yesterday, "too skinny" came up, and "gaunt," and "thin." One of my friends said this picture looked like me, reading a book. The book weighs more than I do. I feel physically good; I just feel skinny at the same time. Or gaunt. Or maybe thin. Wispy?
So they took me to eat three chicken fajitas last night. Forced the last one down, but I made it. Off the caffiene for a while now, I drank water. I lifted weights before, then walked three miles after, then read a while, prayed a longer while (we'll have to have a discussion about prayer one day, which is not quite like I'd imagined all these years it could be), then went to sleep. I actually take Tylenol PM now before bed, doctor's orders, to make sure I sleep. Me and sleep have had a disagreement for decades now. But I'm getting the hang of it. Besides, it's an obedience issue, and a good one.
My weight or my woe is not that big of a deal in the big scheme of things, but I don't want to blow away. The joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart is still there, but even a guy with inner joy hurts when a piano is dropped on his head. It's natural. Godly sorrow is a good thing. It drives you farther away from the old mess and closer to the you you were created to be. But it still hurts. If you've never had a broken heart, try not to get one. But more important than that, try not to give one.
(Here's a Jacob Marley moment): Instead, be honest and kind. It's a tough lesson to learn if you aren't. Not ACT honest and kind, but BE honest and kind. The opposite of kindness is arrogance. You know what got Lucifer kicked right out of heaven? Arrogance. SEEYA! Kicked him out. It's a biggie. It can show up in the most subtle ways, but you put the whole body of work together, and it becomes this monster. A sickness. Arrogance will get you kicked out of heaven. Mine was pointed out to me in a pretty harsh way. Now I surrender it each morning when I get up. It's a better way to go, the only way to go. No one deserves unkindness. They deserve kindness and love.
Anyway, hope you have a good weekend. I'll be writing. And eating.
