Monday, August 10, 2009

'Have you seen the new baby?' (Wait...ALL babies are new...right?)

Below is yesterday's newspaper column about new things for babies and moms, like the bottle warmer and swaddle blanket (both pictured -- and frankly, the 'swaddle' picture freaks me out a bit.) I especially liked this one comment from a parent/reader...

"This takes me back about 30 years! We took our son to the pediatrician, a little worried that he wasn't crawling, sitting, moving around like we thought he should be.

The very wise, old doctor asked us "Does he have a swing?"

YES Doc!

"Does he have a baby seat?" YES Doc!

"Does he have a walker?" YES Doc!

The Doc said, "No wonder he's not doing anything, put a quilt on the floor and let him alone!! "

He was moving around in no time......Sometimes progress is not very progressive."


The whole job of a baby is to be spoiled. It's what they do. Naturally.

So why are we making it too easy for them?

Ridiculously easy.

My friends had their first baby. The grandmom sent me an e-mail with a list of the new infant-aid contraptions on the market and now in her baby grandson's home, technological marvels new to the scene since me and you and the billions of babies before us were diaper-clad.

I ran this list of contraptions by a veteran, a father of three, my friend Dr. Pickles. His boys are 5 and 3, his baby girl not 4 months. If you are planning on having children, or if you were ever a parent or even a baby, you might find a kindred spirit in this young father who, along with his wife, has experienced infancy on the front lines, both with and often without the modern conveniences.

QUESTION: The new mom has a handheld timer she sets when her newborn boy wets and poops, nurses, sleeps and whatnot. This is supposed to keep the both of them on some sort of schedule.
Dr. Pickles: We didn't use that approach. We went with the "action-reaction" approach: she wets/poops, we change. She cries, we feed. She sleeps, we rejoice!

Q: They have Wipes Warmers!, so the baby's bottom won't get cold during cleaning. Wipes Warmers?
Dr. P: Heard of those. We even tried that with the first boy but found it dried out the wipes more than kept them warm. Nothing pleasant about burlap disguised as a baby wipe.

Q: They have a bottle warmer. Not a microwave or a boiling pot, but a bottle warmer.
Dr. P: My wife breastfeeds. Sort of God's built-in bottle warmer. And it's free!

Q: There's a gadget the baby rests on while he nurses from this first-time mom.
Dr. P: We always used a pillow, but I've actually heard of these. Even saw one. Looks like a fanny pack ate a ferret.

Q: They have a thing that helps the baby sit up, too.
Dr. P: Really? We just always yelled, "Sit up and fly right!" It worked with the boys. I don't plan to yell ANYthing at my baby girl. She can sit, lay, curl, whatever she wants.

Q: A diaper with a line in it that turns blue when he wets so you don't have to stick your finger in there. I've never heard"»
Dr. P: We have those! One of God's greatest inventions! Reduces the need for hand sanitizer by 50 percent. The line is right down the middle, like a runway at an airport. Turns blue and you know you've hit paydirt.

Q: Another new thing is a swaddling blanket that is sort of pre-wrapped in swaddle mode.
Dr. P: It's kind of like a baby pita pocket, if I remember correctly. We had one for the first guy, and it was good. But, it's much more fun to make the baby burrito with a real baby and a real blanket: fold up over the feet, then left fold over, right fold over. Hot or mild sauce optional.

-- TA